la

we are back from LA. actually we returned on the redeye saturday night/sunday morning. an hour after arriving home i got in the car and drove 4 hours to pick up lulu. that is my first excuse for just now blogging. tired. my second excuse is that my precious brides are getting all of my attention right now. i am a week behind on everything and they deserve their wedding images asap. huge priority. third excuse. i was waiting for all of my emotions/thoughts to settle.

as someone who has been through adoption x1 i should remember the ups/the downs/the lessons you learn. it is never really as easy as flying to la and all of your wishes and dreams coming true.secretly i thought they would tell me they had a match waiting for me. of course i knew that was not really a possibility. we hadnt signed with them + they didnt have our homestudy. this was just a consultation. but…..you cant help it. lee confessed he was hoping the same thing. we had a very long day of meeting the lawyer and the adoption counselor. both were great. and we learned so much.  but pretty quickly in we realized the dream we had for our family would again shift. we were very much hoping to adopt a child who is at least part asian. and it seems that is really not likely. it was a bit emotional for us. we also learned a lot about the risk, the chances of a birthmother changing her mind, etc. more than anything i was effected when we talked about the birthmother. her loss. how it all feels for her. i lost it during this part. it was a lot. so i think we just left the meeting feeling emotional. and a bit deflated.

but now we are days past the meeting, finally getting over jetlag, processing it all, etc. and forging ahead. of course this whole process is unknown and scary. but we want this..so we are just gearing up for all the uncertainties and emotions that come with any adoption. it will all be worth it in the end.

lee and i did have fun in LA. i quickly located sprinkles and ate 2 cupcakes in 2 seconds. lee looked at me and said, ‘did you just eat both of those’. yes, yes i did. we made fun of the people in their fancy cars:) we ate really good food. i continued my streak of bad celebrity sightings-jodie sweetin from full house and clay aiken.  it is always fun being in a new space for a bit. but my goodness it felt even better once we were all under one roof again. i really am happiest when i am home with my family.